for when it consumes me again
My hands begin to tremble,
and then they’re numb.
This isn’t new to me,
I know what happens next.
A tightness in my chest,
each breath comes in a short panicked burst.
Ice cold but I feel on fire,
face dripping with sweat.
Each minute feels like an hour.
One — the walls begin closing in;
Two — I can barely move;
Three — I’m being crushed.
Hour three lasts longest;
every negative thought or doubt I’ve ever had on replay,
like a movie reel in my mind,
but there’s no stopping or pausing.
I’m trapped within a fog;
a fog within my own mind.
Grey haze so dense it extinguishes all sound,
but then it begins to lift.
Rays of light force their way through,
but darkness has a way of lingering.
I’m sitting here, sweaty, scared and waiting,